Common Deal Breakers

So a few weeks ago, I realized that a new show on VH1 was premeiring. I thought the show would be a waste of time to watch because it aired on VH1, but the more often I saw the preveiws, the more I wanted to watch the first episode. The name of the show is called UNDATEABLE, which I found to be hilarious, and being the curious person that I am, I decided to check it out. I'll watch or read just about anything involving relationship advice with a humorous or sarcastic spin on it. I love it! It's an hour long show, seperated into 5 segments, thus making it a total of 5 hours long. It discusses the "Things That Guys Do That Guaruntee They Won't Be Dating or Having Sex", which entails all of the wrong things that guys do, say, or wear. Though the show is completely humorous, it is accurate nonetheless.

Anyhow, I thought of this show today because now that I see all of the things that make men "undateable" in person, I just laugh. They are all things that I've noticed before that makes someone either off limits or questionable, but I just didnt think that the entire universe agreed. Don't get me wrong, there are some things that I already knew that most women don't like just from being a female and having female friends share their thoughts on the masses of male fuckery, I am just reassured now.

Saying all of that to say that I saw this guy the a couple of days ago (and it's always the ones who think that they are too cool for school-ironic, isn't it?) and he was walking around rapping. Not to mention, he didn't have any headphones or earphones of any sort attached, and he definitely wasn't walking around with a boombox (thank God). Though I see this happen more often than enough (headphones attached or not), I never really stopped to think "What if a guy that wanted to date me approached me while he was rapping?". So I assured myself today that these loud, rapping fellows just aren't for me. Sure, maybe they're just rapping along to a song that they like, that's fine, but it also says alot about the person: they're not a private person, etc. So to all you unsigned rappers, walking around making all of that noise and then trying to approach a female will only get you embarrassed. That's a deal breaker. Guys always get upset when they feel like a woman prejudged them based on their appearance or whatever else, but we normally just see something that we're not interested in, thus saving each other some time. Why pretend that the person has something that you're interested in when you're automatically turned off by something you notice on the first meet? That's settling.

But I am curious to know what some other people's deal breakers are (besides those listed on the VH1 website)? You may have seen my question posted on Facebook, but if you didn't, it was something along the lines of "what makes a man or woman undateable to YOU?" Thanks again for reading. God bless. Btw, you can click on the title of this blog: "Common Deal Breakers", and it'll bring you to the VH1 website. Enjoy!

-Stace

The Adversity Of The Emotional Absentee

Normally, when you think of someone being absent in a child's life, the first thought that crosses your mind is a physically absent or "dead-beat" father. Right? I'm sure that there are plenty of people who can relate to this, but there are various aspects of fathers who are somehow absent. Either the father is physically absent in his son's life and is not contributing to the upbringing of the child (but pays child support) or he is absolutely nowhere to be found (paying no child support), thus leaving the mother to be the true definition of a "single mother".

Though I am aware that these are pretty much the two most common forms of absentee fathers, and can either negatively or positively affect the son in question, I have recently begun to wonder how this same situation would effect a girl child. Will she negatively or positively internalize these experiences as a child? Will she grow into a strong, independent woman, or will she be a miserable, downtrodden, angry woman who will forever be trapped by the statistics and stereotypes that society has placed upon women (especially those women of color)? Will she have healthy relationships with men or will she change partners as much as she changes her ... well, you know. As a young woman, this is something that definitely concerns me.

I also feel that people have some common misconceptions about absenteeism (yes, that's a word lol). First, BOTH parents were involved in making a child, thus BOTH parents are held liable upon conception. Also, not only fathers are those who are absent in children's lives. I personally know people who have no clue who their mother is. So let me tell it. But I think (keyword) that it is more common amongst men to flee. I am not bashing, nor does the fact that a father leaves necessarily mean that he is a horrible person. There are many reasons that men flee their families, but that is another story for another day. Personally, I frown upon those who do leave their children stranded, but I am also aware of the reasons as to why they do so. So mothers can leave just as much as a man could, and they do. That's a fact.

Second, people normally think of absenteeism in the form of the parent not physically being present. Drawing from personal experience and experiences through friends/aquaintance, I have realized that a parent could be physically present, but not MENTALLY present. Think about it for a minute. Let it sink in. No one really wants to be with someone that they cannot emotionally connect with, as well as spiritually and physically. I feel that physically is the least important in this scenario because if there is no strong passion or will behind a parent being the best that they can be, then does it really matter that they are around in body? A parent has to be available emotionally (to show some form of consciousness (ie. awareness of one's surrounding and understanding of others' feelings)), physically (ie. to play sports together and show the child that they are willing to be active and mobile their life), and spiritually (to show the child right from wrong, allow the child to embrace morals, and explain why it is important to be a child of God). Catch my drift?

I know that there is no rulebook on parenting. I also know that no one is perfect. I'm sure that people don't expect the perfect parents, but I am even more positive that parents that try to hard or who don't try at all fail to realize that during childhood, the simple things is what really counts, and if a parent can't master or understand these small things, then how will they be able to deal withthe child as he/she ages? How will they approach difficult topics, such as the rules of dating and having sex? Just like parents need us to help them out, we need the same in return.

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS. THANKS FOR READING.

-Stace