Normally, when you think of someone being absent in a child's life, the first thought that crosses your mind is a physically absent or "dead-beat" father. Right? I'm sure that there are plenty of people who can relate to this, but there are various aspects of fathers who are somehow absent. Either the father is physically absent in his son's life and is not contributing to the upbringing of the child (but pays child support) or he is absolutely nowhere to be found (paying no child support), thus leaving the mother to be the true definition of a "single mother".
Though I am aware that these are pretty much the two most common forms of absentee fathers, and can either negatively or positively affect the son in question, I have recently begun to wonder how this same situation would effect a girl child. Will she negatively or positively internalize these experiences as a child? Will she grow into a strong, independent woman, or will she be a miserable, downtrodden, angry woman who will forever be trapped by the statistics and stereotypes that society has placed upon women (especially those women of color)? Will she have healthy relationships with men or will she change partners as much as she changes her ... well, you know. As a young woman, this is something that definitely concerns me.
I also feel that people have some common misconceptions about absenteeism (yes, that's a word lol). First, BOTH parents were involved in making a child, thus BOTH parents are held liable upon conception. Also, not only fathers are those who are absent in children's lives. I personally know people who have no clue who their mother is. So let me tell it. But I think (keyword) that it is more common amongst men to flee. I am not bashing, nor does the fact that a father leaves necessarily mean that he is a horrible person. There are many reasons that men flee their families, but that is another story for another day. Personally, I frown upon those who do leave their children stranded, but I am also aware of the reasons as to why they do so. So mothers can leave just as much as a man could, and they do. That's a fact.
Second, people normally think of absenteeism in the form of the parent not physically being present. Drawing from personal experience and experiences through friends/aquaintance, I have realized that a parent could be physically present, but not MENTALLY present. Think about it for a minute. Let it sink in. No one really wants to be with someone that they cannot emotionally connect with, as well as spiritually and physically. I feel that physically is the least important in this scenario because if there is no strong passion or will behind a parent being the best that they can be, then does it really matter that they are around in body? A parent has to be available emotionally (to show some form of consciousness (ie. awareness of one's surrounding and understanding of others' feelings)), physically (ie. to play sports together and show the child that they are willing to be active and mobile their life), and spiritually (to show the child right from wrong, allow the child to embrace morals, and explain why it is important to be a child of God). Catch my drift?
I know that there is no rulebook on parenting. I also know that no one is perfect. I'm sure that people don't expect the perfect parents, but I am even more positive that parents that try to hard or who don't try at all fail to realize that during childhood, the simple things is what really counts, and if a parent can't master or understand these small things, then how will they be able to deal withthe child as he/she ages? How will they approach difficult topics, such as the rules of dating and having sex? Just like parents need us to help them out, we need the same in return.
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS. THANKS FOR READING.
-Stace
